MONTGOMERY, AL--In a rare instance of life imitating aphorisms, Alabama governor Bob Riley has decided to make lemonade out of the lemons life has given him.
Except that the “lemons” are oil and the “lemonade” is pies.
“The governor
has always believed that if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em,” said an unnamed source in Riley’s inner circle, who was quick to point out that the governor’s beliefs had nothing to do with legislation pending in the Alabama legisture that would make it legal to punish recalcitrant children by surgically remaking them into Siamese twins.“He simply feels that with all this free oil comin’ ashore, maybe we shouldn’t look a gift tar ball in the mouth.”
Besides, added the aide, the oil--when saturated with sugar and the extracts of various polysyllabic chemicals
(“that are actually worse fer ya than tar”), baked atop a flaky crust foundation, and topped with several inches of meringue--is every bit as tasty as the gelatinous substance in which Vienna sausages have been routinely packaged “since before ‘under God’ was added to the Pledge of Allegiance.”“The governor can’t eat enough of ’em,” said the aide. “You thought he was slick before? You ain’t seen nothing’ yet.”
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