First the Japanese infiltrated Major League Baseball. Then they took over the electronics industry.
Now, the country that bombed Pearl Harbor sixty-seven years ago has its sights set on yet another major United States target: the National Football League.
“Radies and gentlemen of the pless,” said Dr. Kazumasa Ikuta, director of research at the Yokohama-based Fisheries Research Agency on Wednesday, “I am ploud to announce that my team and I are about to bleed the Super Tuna!”
“Bleed,” by the way, is Japanese English for “breed.”
“Super Tuna” is the code name that Ikuta and his staff have given to the race of Bill Parcells clones that they plan to engender.
Parcells, whose nickname is “the Big Tuna,” is a two-time Super Bowl-winning NFL coach recently credited with transforming the Miami Dolphins into a winning franchise. Ikuta figures that if a “big” tuna can win two Super Bowls, a “super” one can--and will--win more.
Two major obstacles remain: finding a willing birth mother (Debbie Rowe is said to have backed out at the last minute) and naming the Japanese-based teams.
“We riked the Kyoto Accords,” said Ikuta, “but Honda said that name would viorate their copylight.”
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