Sociologists call it the law of unintended consequences.
Last month Queen guitarist Brian May announced that Adam Lambert, the American Idol finalist with whom May recently performed during the show’s season-ending episode, might join Queen as a replacement for vocalist Paul Rogers.
Now a dairy organization in Switzerland has gotten into the competition, volunteering some of its more “gifted” cattle for the position originally held by the late Freddie Mercury.
According to Eugen Hunziker, a spokesman for the Swiss Bovine Federation, a percentage of Swiss cows has been proven capable of producing vocal noises that, with minimal electronic “sweetening,” can be made to sound uncannily like the baroque vocal sections of such Queen hits as “Somebody to Love” and “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
Despite the obvious novelty appeal of singing cattle, Hunziker admits that at least one problem remains to be solved.
“We Swiss like to think of ourselves as progressive,” said Hunziker. “And we do not wish to offend zaftig feminists who would consider the spectacle of cows singing ‘Fat-Bottomed Girls’ to be an act of hate speech.”
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